Tested While I Waited

I have literally lived by this scripture for the past thirteen years. “And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.” (Galatians 6:9)

At a time when you are going through words like these aren’t necessarily what you want to hear but, because it was the word of God (even more so) a promise from God I had to let this scripture resonate in my heart. It’s truly amazing how one day everything in your life is fine and dandy and then that tragic day of calamity (that God allows) at its best falls upon you. It was as if my whole world had fallen right before my eyes.

Then the series of questions started. Why me Lord? What did I do to deserve this? How long will this last? Day by day I promise you I added a whole new meaning to “Woe Is Me” not realizing that at the birth of my pain (you know the distress and sadness) God had a plan and purpose for my life. It’s pretty hard to see that when you’re hurting and even harder to accept when you know, well at least think that you’ve been walking in Obedience. Oh but what a mighty God I serve who saw my needs by sending others who had been where I currently was to walk me through the process so that I wouldn’t FAINT.

So you ask what is the….Process? The process is that hard, almost unbearable series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end. You see my flesh wanted all the answers right then and there but God said no my dear, I have to take you step by step in order to better prepare you for the assignment that I have for you. After all the raging and ranting I finally surrendered and it was in my surrendering that God began to move in my life like never before. I had to learn firsthand that God doesn’t rush when he’s preparing you for Greater. The process can be very slow therefore patience is a virtue. The delay is designed to produce an Increased Level of Faith. God was looking for something from me that I had not conscientiously given to Him and that was a true intimate relationship. Sure enough I worked in the church day in and day out but what I failed to realize was that the work alone was not that which pleased God but it was the relationship that He was in desire of. Like Martha (Luke 10:41-42) I was too busy being caught up (per se) in the work that I literally almost missed the mark.

As time passed God began to shift some things in my life. His instructions made no sense at all to me. That’s when you know it’s God. People that I loved and talents that he had gifted me with (although He didn’t necessarily take them away) He definitely put them on hold. There were some things that yes He literally made me walk away from. I was so at a standstill. You know that place where you want to move but can’t! I was on major lock down. God had me in this sedentary position because He wanted to take me to that Secret Place where it was only He and I. Oh how scary that place was in the beginning but it soon became to sweetest place I have ever gone too in my life. It was a place of transformation, a place where obedience was the key factor.

In the course of my testing sure enough things got better. As I walked in obedience I followed every instruction from the Holy Spirit whether it made sense to me or not. At this stage of my testing it was most important for me to live a life that was pleasing before God without considering what man said or thought. A lot of strongholds have been broken as a result of my obedience. I’ve learned how to say no. I’m not that people pleaser that I once was. I’ve learned not to focus so much on what other people say or think. I’ve learned how to maximize every moment in my life. I’ve learned to value my relationship with Christ. I’ve finally come to the place where my Woes have literally become My Yeses!

One of my biggest fears is to leave this place and not have done what I know God has called me to do. For Such A Time As This, I’ve thrown fear out the door and I’ve learned to walk in confidence in the one who sustains me daily. I admit that I may not know where I’m going but in my willingness I totally trust the one who’s guiding me.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

(Jeremiah 29:11)